Chapter 16

There was a lot of love in my new home with Ruthann and Jay.  They had two daughters of their own, Jaime and Erin, both younger than me.  Like Jaime and Erin, I decided I wanted to call Ruthann and Jay Mom and Dad.  It was difficult at first and I felt awkward, but it locked in within a few weeks.  I shared a room with Jaime, their oldest daughter.  Each night we were taught to say our prayers.  Ruthann would come over to each of our little twin beds to tuck us in and say our prayers.  It would start with “Jesus, thank you for this day and thank you for everything you’ve given me.” Then we would list the people and things we were thankful for.  I was just thankful to be safe.  I felt safe for the first time in my life.  Safety is something a lot of us take for granted, but to me it was worth all the Nikes in the world.  I started going to a new school in Blue Grass, Iowa and made new friends.  Ruthann and Jay bought me some new clothes.  Not Lee jeans or Nikes, but we were getting warmer!  I was at the end of 5^th grade and would stay with Ruthann and Jay through the end of 6^th grade.  That was when Ruthann would hit her limit with me.  As I’ve told you, I really wanted to be a good girl, but for some reason, I just couldn’t do it!!!  Ruthann and Jay were very young, only 18 years older than me, so I was a lot to handle for young parents.  I had been acting out for most of my youth and it didn’t end just because I had a new home and parents that were trying to love me.  I was a brat.  I would torture Jaime and Erin, mostly with the silent treatment.  That was my specialty.  I became a great manipulator at a very young age, not something I’m particularly proud of, but it comes in handy on occasion in adulthood.  One of Ruthann’s boiling points was reached when she parked her manual-transmission car at the Casey’s General Store to run in and pick up some milk.  She left me in the front seat and Jaime and Erin in the back.  I was intrigued by the gearshift and decided to practice my stick-shift skills from the passenger seat.  Just so you know, I can now drive a stick shift with great ease and I’m sure this was a helpful lesson for my future.  As I’m sure you have guessed, I put the car in neutral and we rolled right into one of the gas pumps.  Ruthann ran out of the Casey’s and for a Christian woman, her language was quite sinful.  There was only a slight dent in the bumper, but I’m sure her anger was more about our safety.  Here I took something so precious to me, safety, and denied it to my foster sisters and myself.  We could have been hurt, but that never crossed my mind.  We drove home, had a tense dinner, and went to bed.  I was the one on the receiving end of the silent treatment that night.